First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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