i need an iv and a liver transplant
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
