"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
