I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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