3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
