Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
