My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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