Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
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