i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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