Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
