I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm getting married
To pizza
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