Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
