Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
