I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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