One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
