Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
