Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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