My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
