3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
