Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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