I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
