Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
