he wants to bone in the snuggie
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
