his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
