yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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