I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
