I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
