just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
