a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
