I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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