How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
