she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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