I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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