We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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