The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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