dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Fuck appropriateness.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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