Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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