Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Randomize
