I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
