we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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