Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
