Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
