What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he shaved USA in his pubs
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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