Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
