I think my vagina is haunted
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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