It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
