She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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