Don't you send me to vm
if you like me you must not know who I am
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
