Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
