Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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