every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
