i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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