dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
