You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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