what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
